you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know, be my cock's hype man.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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