"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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