I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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