i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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