Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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