there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
