have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
