2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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