Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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