if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize