have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
