no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
