The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
