Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize