All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
