i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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