you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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