im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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