im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
