the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
