Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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