So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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