I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
