woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
