covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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