Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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