Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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