A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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