I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
