I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My ass is underappreciated
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
