There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
