Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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