where's my purse there's an important taco in it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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