i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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