I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
