I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
