Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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