Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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