I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize