Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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