By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
