We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
