I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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