i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
