I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
