bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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