I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
