I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
