ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
