I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
