I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
