i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
