I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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