I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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