Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just invented taco cereal.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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