my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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