Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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