Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though