dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.