I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A+ Viking dick