Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.