you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
