Is it because I queefed?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
