Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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