Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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