I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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