sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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