Someone shit on the floor
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
