The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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