I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
